When I think about my past, the one thing I remember the most is chaos. Chaos in my home, in my marriage, in my job, but especially chaos in my mind. Even when things were going ok, in my mind, I imagined the worst-case scenario, and I just knew something horrible was about to happen. Nothing to me was just “normal life”, I always felt like everything would end up leading to disaster. You name it, I thought it, and it brought turmoil into my life. Looking farther back, into my childhood, I can see the root of all the chaos. An alcoholic father, abuse, neglect, never-ending fights, and arguing; and eventually a broken home, which led to many other difficulties and trauma. When a person has gone through trauma, they become “broken” and in many ways, they don’t know how to have “normalcy”. That was me, I carried the brokenness with me through life and it became a part of who I was, of my mentality. Brokenness affected my actions and my reactions.
I am so thankful that there is a God that healed me from the chaos and its effects! It did not happen overnight, it was a process and some of it took years. As a matter of fact, some of the healing processes are still happening now. God has been so loving, patient, and gentle. He slowly peeled back layer by layer showing me what was wrong and then how to change it, and then waited until I was ready to move forward before He would continue. He dug deep into my broken heart and put it back together, piece by piece. * He renewed my mind and He gave me the strength to face each and every day with a new perspective. * The gratitude I feel for His lovingkindness and healing is beyond measure. I now have peace, contentment, and assurance. * In the past I couldn’t even comprehend those feelings, let alone think I could ever have them. I'm not perfect, there are still things that God and I are working on together because as with any kind of change it takes a willingness and a desire to change, and then it takes active participation. God will never force you, but when you are ready He will be there. He will be there to help you, heal you, and hold you through your journey.